{"id":69665,"date":"2020-02-04T14:28:56","date_gmt":"2020-02-04T12:28:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/?p=69665"},"modified":"2023-09-02T22:48:13","modified_gmt":"2023-09-02T19:48:13","slug":"our-little-white-lies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/en\/our-little-white-lies\/","title":{"rendered":"Our Little White Lies"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[281],"tags":[501,463],"acf":{"old_id":"69665","type":"no","iframe":"","writer":34250,"related_cahpter":"409","type_929":"2","show_author_image":false,"old_create_date":"","old_url":"","post_main_content":{"description":"Yes, sweat the small stuff","content":"

Years ago, I witnessed an impressive bit of maternal sleight of hand. The mother had given her toddler some of her soda; unsurprisingly (if you know toddlers), he expressed dissatisfaction with the amount. His mother acquiesced, and poured from one cup into the other \u2013 so swiftly that he didn\u2019t notice she had poured a little from his cup back into hers, rather than the other way around.<\/span><\/p>\n

I noticed, and was highly amused \u2013 but also uncomfortable. I wasn\u2019t so naively self-righteous as to assume I would never use such a trick myself one day, if I could pull it off, but the deception bugged me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rabbi Zeira agrees. \u201cRabbi Zeira said, A person should not say to a young child, \u2018I will give you something,\u2019 and not give it to him, because he will come to teach him lying. As it says (Jeremiah 9:4), \u2018They taught their tongues to speak falsely.\u2019\u201d (Sukkah 46b) Reneging on a commitment to a toddler might seem like a small matter, but it legitimizes not being true to one\u2019s word.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, on that occasion the child didn\u2019t notice, and wasn\u2019t going to learn anything other than perhaps \u201cwhine and ye shall receive.\u201d But still.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now that I have children of my own, it\u2019s hard to say I\u2019ve never slanted the truth with them, but I try not to\u2013 and I make it clear to them that it\u2019s important to me not to lie to them. (\u201cYes, the shot might hurt!\u201d). It\u2019s important for developing relationships based on trust, for their development as honest human beings, and also for my own ongoing development as an honest human being.<\/span><\/p>\n

Another Talmudic passage (Yevamot 63a) tells of a troubled marriage, in which the wife would deliberately give her husband the opposite of what he\u2019d requested. Their son attempted to fix things with a little reverse psychology: if his father asked for something, the son would relay the opposite request to his mother.\u00a0 It worked, until the son confessed to his father. (It\u2019s possible that I have tried similar tricks with my kids, commitment to honesty notwithstanding. But it never works for me!) The father commended his son\u2019s cleverness but told him not to do it, quoting that same verse from Jeremiah as a caution against getting used to lying.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rabbenu Yonah of Gerondi, commenting on a statement that truth helps sustain the world (Avot 1:18), elaborates: \u201cOne who accustoms his tongue to speak falsely regarding matters of little consequence, when he comes to speak of essential matters, he will not be able to speak the truth; his speaking mouth, and the habit, will rule over him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Habits are easy to create and hard to break; much simpler to get ahead from the beginning, and resist creating norms \u2013 even with the small stuff \u2013 that will ultimately make it harder to sustain our world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Even if it means giving up on some genius solutions in the short term.<\/span><\/p>\n","image":{"ID":69666,"id":69666,"title":"jer9-lies","filename":"jer9-lies.jpg","filesize":0,"url":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/jer9-lies.jpg","link":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/en\/our-little-white-lies\/jer9-lies\/","alt":"","author":"7","description":"","caption":"","name":"jer9-lies","status":"inherit","uploaded_to":69665,"date":"2020-02-04 12:28:39","modified":"2020-02-04 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