{"id":45617,"date":"2018-12-12T09:25:12","date_gmt":"2018-12-12T07:25:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/?p=45617"},"modified":"2022-07-06T12:57:19","modified_gmt":"2022-07-06T09:57:19","slug":"the-gay-yeshiva-boy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/en\/the-gay-yeshiva-boy\/","title":{"rendered":"The Gay Yeshiva-Boy"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[281],"tags":[450,362],"acf":{"old_id":"45617","type":"no","iframe":"","writer":36669,"related_cahpter":"110","type_929":"2","show_author_image":false,"old_create_date":"","old_url":"","post_main_content":{"description":"I walk upon a closet path that leads me far away from You","content":"

“If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination …” <\/span>(Leviticus 20:13)<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Shacharit<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Open the closet door a bit, OK?<\/span>
    \n<\/span>Let in a bit of air, a bit of light,<\/span>
    \n<\/span>a bit of color, too \u2014 there is no white,<\/span>
    \n<\/span>no green, no red, no blue. \u00a0It’s hard to pray<\/span>
    \n<\/span>devoutly when surrounded by such gray,<\/span>
    \n<\/span>unpainted walls; it’s difficult to fight<\/span>
    \n<\/span>wild demons of depression when they bite<\/span>
    \n<\/span>and scratch me for the sin of being gay.<\/span><\/p>\n

    But being gay \u2014 is that a sin? I am<\/span>
    \n<\/span>the man I am, the very man that You<\/span>
    \n<\/span>created, so must demons of despair<\/span>
    \n<\/span>attack me now? \u00a0I ask You not to slam<\/span>
    \n<\/span>the closet door; let in a bit of blue,<\/span>
    \n<\/span>a bit of red, let in some light, some air.<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Mincha<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      I’m not the man the Torah wanted me<\/span>
      \n<\/span>to be, the man my father’s prayerbook thought<\/span>
      \n<\/span>I should become. \u00a0You see how shadows caught<\/span>
      \n<\/span>me when I tried to wear a mask, You see<\/span>
      \n<\/span>they brought a Mirror of Integrity<\/span>
      \n<\/span>and made me see myself. \u00a0They also brought<\/span>
      \n<\/span>me books from the Closet Printing Press which taught<\/span>
      \n<\/span>me tenets of eventide theology.<\/span><\/p>\n

      The shadows showed me that before I pray<\/span>
      \n<\/span>I need to face the truth about myself.<\/span>
      \n<\/span>Although I may not be the person who<\/span>
      \n<\/span>recites my father’s prayers, although I may<\/span>
      \n<\/span>be someone else, upon my closet shelf<\/span>
      \n<\/span>a prayerbook sits with prayers I write to You.<\/span><\/p>\n

      III. <\/span>Ma’ariv<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

      A closet’s path may lead one far away \u2014<\/span>
      \n<\/span>the closet path I’m walking on has led<\/span>
      \n<\/span>me far away from You. \u00a0Although I’ve said<\/span>
      \n<\/span>my prayers today, this doesn’t mean I pray,<\/span>
      \n<\/span>this doesn’t mean I mean the words I say,<\/span>
      \n<\/span>it only means I’ve mouthed the words I’ve read.<\/span>
      \n<\/span>At night I wonder, as I lie in bed,<\/span>
      \n<\/span>if You indeed accept the fact I’m gay.<\/span><\/p>\n

      You know of course that I’m a hypocrite,<\/span>
      \n<\/span>You know that I’m a coward, too. I walk <\/span>
      \n<\/span>upon a closet path that leads me far<\/span>
      \n<\/span>away from You \u2014 yet see how shadows sit<\/span>
      \n<\/span>on benches all along my path and talk<\/span>
      \n<\/span>to You, freely, cloud by cloud, star by star.<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

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