{"id":34034,"date":"2018-07-16T14:11:43","date_gmt":"2018-07-16T11:11:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/?p=34034"},"modified":"2022-02-07T13:56:56","modified_gmt":"2022-02-07T11:56:56","slug":"ezer-knegdo-a-better-paradigm-for-parenting-together","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/en\/ezer-knegdo-a-better-paradigm-for-parenting-together\/","title":{"rendered":"Ezer K\u2019Negdo: A Better Paradigm for Parenting Together"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Sometimes I think I am the \u2018main parent\u2019 to my children. Yes, I have a loving husband, who is also active in raising our three kids. \u00a0But when it comes down to it, I am really the One. The one to pick them up, drive them around, and handle all of their emotional and physical needs. I am sometimes surprised that my son will say how much he misses his dad when he is away and will want to call to check in with him. <\/span>What? <\/span><\/i>I think to myself, <\/span>Am I not enough for you?<\/span> Is your father\u2019s unique way of being your parent as essential to you as mine?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

The incredulity is amplified when I feel conflicted about how my husband chooses to manage an issue that arises with one of our kids. <\/span>Does it really matter that their school uniform is stain free?<\/span><\/em> Yes, my husband would say to me. What you wear makes an impression and shows respect. <\/span>They\u2019re just kids, they are messy<\/span><\/em> I might mutter under my breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

And then I remember the poignant phrase from Genesis 2:18, \u201c<\/span> And the Lord God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet (<\/span>ezer k\u2019negdo<\/span><\/em>) for him’<\/span> (chapter 2:18. In the JPS translation the phrase used is \u201cfitting helper\u201d). \u00a0The concept of \u201chelp meet\u201d (<\/span>ezer k\u2019negdo<\/span><\/em>) offers me an important paradigm to make space for difference in our parenting. God, noticing that the first earthling Adam is lonely and in search of a fitting match for him, sets out to create Eve from Adam\u2019s side. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Beyond the \u2018who came first and therefore who is more important\u2019 feminist lens that we might bring to the story, the framework of <\/span>ezer k\u2019negdo<\/em> <\/span>when observed through a wide lens can become an aspiration for both men and women. It\u2019s powerful exactly because of its strange juxtaposition: help (<\/span>ezer<\/span><\/em>) and against <\/span>(<\/span><\/i>k\u2019negdo<\/span><\/em>.<\/span><\/i>) Rav Soloveitchik suggests that the meaning of <\/span>ezer k\u2019negdo<\/em> <\/span>is that Eve\u2019s <\/span>help<\/span><\/em> to Adam is not just in a pure sense (being helpful) but happens by offering an <\/span>opposing<\/em> <\/span>perspective and even sometimes being <\/span>against<\/em> <\/span>him. The contrast is the thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

We know this concept intuitively. While we may like being around people who agree with every word we say, we know that the most helpful people are the ones who can offer us a perspective different from our own, however uncomfortable the perspective might feel at the moment. \u00a0If we can\u2019t make room for difference, the problem reverberates on a theological level. In his book, <\/span>The Dignity of Difference: How to Avoid the Clash of Civilizations<\/span><\/em>,<\/span><\/i> Rabbi Jonathan Sacks writes, \u201cIf I cannot [make space for difference] then I have made God in my image instead of allowing him to remake me in his.\u201d Do I really think that <\/span>my<\/em> <\/span>way of approaching a situation with my children is the <\/span>only<\/em> <\/span>way? We may offer a begrudging, \u201cof course not.\u201d While we might grasp that truth intellectually, our hearts are often slower to learn.<\/span><\/p>\n","image":{"ID":101669,"id":101669,"title":"-620108c325a12--620108c325a13gen2-mother father.png","filename":"620108c325a12-620108c325a13gen2-mother-father.png.png","filesize":0,"url":"https:\/\/cetwpuploads.blob.core.windows.net\/wp929\/uploads\/2018\/07\/620108c325a12-620108c325a13gen2-mother-father.png.png","link":"https:\/\/wp.929.org.il\/en\/ezer-knegdo-a-better-paradigm-for-parenting-together\/620108c325a12-620108c325a13gen2-mother-father-png\/","alt":"","author":"7","description":"","caption":"","name":"620108c325a12-620108c325a13gen2-mother-father-png","status":"inherit","uploaded_to":34034,"date":"2022-02-07 11:55:47","modified":"2022-02-07 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